The Shoreview-based psychotherapist focuses on marital and couples communication but has had a broad range of experiences, which include serving on the hostage-negotiations team while working for the Minnesota Department of Corrections.

Still, relationship counseling is such a focal point for her that she’s written a book about it.

“I just saw so many troubled marriages out there,” said Wood, whose three-year-old private practice also specializes in juvenile and family issues such as anger management, addictions, ADHD and ADD, bullying and genetic challenges.

Her primary topic — why men cheat and why women cheat — is not unique, but Wood’s book (due for release in 2011) goes beyond the stereotypes to investigate the root causes behind the many types of cheaters.

Many people believe men cheat because they are jerks and women cheat because they’re easy, she said; however, cheating is often a symptom of a deeper, systemic problem in the relationship.

According to Wood, even serial cheaters might have different reasons each time. Certainly, some people cheat because they have impulsive personalities, but they could end up cheating again for a specific situational reason. For example, when someone experiences a huge loss in their life (death of a parent, loss of job, end of a friendship, etc.) and their significant other just can’t relate to or understand their partner’s grief, the chance of cheating increases.

That type of situational cheating also helps dispel the stereotype that men are sexually/visually oriented and women are emotionally driven.

“It all depends on the person,” Wood said.

Besides drawing on her clinical expertise, Wood’s book includes stories that describe the various types of cheaters and situations that could lead to cheating. The characters in the stories are not her clients, but composites based on real people and researched information.

While Wood has protected the identities of her clients, she hopes the readers can identify themselves in the stories. A common theme is a breakdown in communication, but readers might identify themselves as the person whose busy schedule with work, children, school and the extended family — or the couple whose divergent hobbies prevent them from spending quality time with their partner.

“I think marriages are put on the back burner too often,” Wood said.

Very often it’s not the sex that prompts the cheating, she said; it’s about finding someone who enjoys doing the same things.

Personal experience

Wood grew up in Grand Forks, N.D., the middle child (older brother, younger sister) in a stable, close-knit family. Her dad was the director of the Grand Forks library and her mom managed the daycare system at the local Air Force base. She also had a good relationship with her extended family, including both sets of grandparents and several cousins who lived in North Dakota.

This August, Wood celebrates 14 years of marriage to her husband Jim, a gastroenterologist. Their family resembles the classic nuclear family of her childhood, with a hockey- and baseball-playing 11-year-old son, Nicholas, who she describes as “all boy,” their 7-year-old daughter Page and their dog Mr. Barkley. Wood also has an adult stepson who lives in Iowa.

That’s the long way of saying that Wood has no firsthand experienced with the subject of her book.

However, Wood has a lot of experience as a thrill-seeker. She’s an avid rock climber, water skier, scuba diver and downhill skier who can handle the double-black diamond runs out west. And until the birth of her daughter Page, she and her husband raced Porsches at Brainerd International Raceway.

She’s also not afraid to try new things. In 2008, when Wood entered the Mrs. Minnesota pageant, she was a bit nervous because she didn’t know what to expect.

“It was almost like an athletic sport. It threw me out of my comfort zone,” Wood said.

She performed well enough to be the second runner-up.

“I don’t let myself be scared,” Wood said. “I’ll make myself do it, so it’s not a fear anymore.”

Focusing on solutions

Getting couples to venture outside of their comfort zones and confront their fears is part of Wood’s practice. Often, the first step is coming in as a couple.

“I think they’re scared to really examine their marriage,” Wood said.

When clients come in because they fight, Wood doesn’t necessarily see that as a negative. Every couple fights once in a while.

“If they never fight, maybe they don’t care enough about each other,” Wood said. “They need to learn how to deal with it.”

Besides lack of communication, a common problem Wood sees is “circular fighting” — the recurring arguments that never get resolved.

Not dwelling on such arguments, which can take a lot of time to sort out, Wood suggests focusing on positive activities. Couples get homework, like going on a romantic date, being playful and sex therapy.

Some of that advice will be found in the book, which features a section on how to “cheatproof” your marriage. Tips range from mundane, but important, actions like going to sleep at the same time to focusing on your partner’s good qualities and visualizing good things happening as a couple.

If some of the suggestions seem a little forced and time-consuming, it’s because Wood believes couples have to put time into marriages to make them work, just like anything else.

And if that’s not convincing, here’s what Wood has concluded after counseling people whose relationships ended because they cheated.

“If you treated your spouse the way you treated the person you’re having the affair with, I guarantee you’d still be together.”